


I loved him.

by Tamashinohi



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kaede Akamatsu - Freeform, Kaito Momota - Freeform, M/M, Shuichi's perspective, a bit of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 17:06:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamashinohi/pseuds/Tamashinohi
Summary: Our favorites students are trapped in a strange place and have to get along well to collect the hope fragments Monokuma is asking for. During this time, Shuichi Saihara met a very strange and noisy guy called Kokichi Ouma, and everytime he's around, his curiousity is waking up. They shared some moments together, and now is the time for our detective to solve his mysteries!





	I loved him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is the first fiction I post on AO3! I am french, and this is the first fiction I officially am writing in english, so I hope you enjoy it!

  

_Why did Kokichi have to die ?_

were the last words I whispered.

 

• • •

 

Kokichi Ouma is such a liar.

This guy is always messing around, especially when Kaito is cheering me up. Everyone know they'll scream and run all over the place, which makes me tired a bit, but I guess that's how it is. Strangely, every time this is happening, I can see Kokichi smiling over me, and I don't think I can get what's inside his head at moments like this.

Lately he have been very stuck to me.

When I go to the restroom to eat the meal Tojo made, he stealthily sit down next to me, before Kaito can even react, in front of his eyes, and that always makes Kokichi laugh sneakily to see him angry. Last time, he even tried to feed me, his teasing is getting even more embarrassing than before, but I'm used to.

I don't get this short guy at all, maybe I won't be able to know his true personality.

After all, Kokichi is such a _mystery_.

 

• • •

 

Last night, he knocked at my door to pass some time with me. After him getting injured by the knife he planted himself in his hand, I wondered what new thing he had in mind for coming so suddenly, especially at night time. I didn't want to see him messing around right now, I just went back from Kaito's training and I just wished to go to sleep as soon as possible.

“What do you want, Ouma-kun?” Asking kinda surprised.

“Saihara-chan, go out with me!” He was smiling brightly at me, with his usual grin.

“But.. going out this late ?”

“Oh come on, this is just for a moment!” He had a big smile on his lips while saying this.

I accepted to follow him. He brought me to the garden where I trained earlier, but Kaito and Maki already left the place. He sat down first with a large sigh, and invited me to do aswell. I did the same and sat down next to him before asking:

“Why did you want to go out this late, Ouma-kun ? And why here ?” I asked with a suspicious look, since it's not a place where Kokichi often goes.

“Eeeh Saihara-chan, you really have no idea ?!”

He pointed the sky over us while saying this, I followed his finger and turned my head up, watching at the shining stars.

“You come with Momota-chan and Harukawa-chan often here, right ? Yesterday I saw you watching the sky together, I was jealous u'know ~”

“What are you taking about..?”

He probably is just teasing again. But surprisingly, he was right, we did stay here and talked about our past, while watching the dark sky. I guess he found out when he went to the dorms.

“You really are slow to understand mister Ultimate Detective! You won't discover the truth behind all this at this rate!”

“Do you mean, why we're all trapped here ? Of course I would like to know why we're all here but I don't think everyone could count on me to find he truth..”

“You're not funny, Saihara-chan! You don't even wanna play Monokuma's game.” Before he finished his own sentence, his back suddenly felt behind on the ground.

“I-I didn't want to!” I turned back to him while saying that. I saw that Kokichi's arms were crossed behind his head, a dismayed look on his face while watching at me.

I felt into my thoughts for a minute.

I may be the Ultimate Detective, but the only case I solved was just by luck, I don't have any particular skill. I am probably the most ordinary here, so why would I be able to find why we all have to live together in this strange place ? I probably need to come back to my uncle's sides to learn more, I'm not ready for a case like this.. but I can't even do this.

“Nee, Saihara-chan.” He paused for a few seconds, before continuing. “You should believe more in yourself. Everybody can't be a detective, just think of it! Some are the worst at guessing!”

I had the feeling he talked about Kaito, but I stayed quiet and listened carefully his words.

“But of course, I better like my lies! I wouldn't be a detective.. their job is binding and population hates them!” His voice and head changed to something sneaky, he definitely made fun of me.

“Uh..?”

“Nishishi, just kidding! Just do what you know to do and everything will work out.” He smiled purely at me, a smile I never saw before, that I admit, disturbed me a bit.

“M-Maybe you're right.. I will still try to finds out, but I can't promise anything.”

“Ahh, fortunately, we don't have to kill each others!” Said Kokichi with a small laugh, seeming proud of his joke.

“What are you saying, why would we be ?”

He was right, it made me relativize this case. As a detective I was concerned about being in such a strange place and wanted to know the truth, but Kaede said so many kind words to help me, same for Kaito that cheered me up. Thanks to Kokichi, it was refreshing to just go outside, and to feel like things would work out.

“Eh Ouma-kun.”

“Mh ? What is it ?”

“Thank you.” I turned my head to face him and smiled with gratitude, a warm feeling in my chest.

For the first time I felt like he was honest with me. Maybe this was because of the stars in that night sky that made us dreaming of going out. And I knew that tomorrow he would again tease me, so I just enjoyed this moment. Then, I realized things weren't this bad. Sure I wanted to see my family and friends again, but I've met some special people here too. I was more than before determined to find the truth, and I had the feeling Kokichi would be there to check on me.

Yeah, I want to get out of here, but with all of my new friends, we will be able to do it together. And.. I will make sure to never forget them after this.

As I was in my thoughts, I finally noticed that Kokichi's face was red, his eyes not looking anymore at me. When he realized that I noticed him again, he turned around, I wasn't able to see his face anymore. He just whispered.

“If I had to choose someone to get out of here with me, that would be you, Saihara-chan.”

He took me by surprised, I just blushed in response and turned back my head, but then I heard some moves from Kokichi.

He suddenly straightened.

“… That was a lie.”

His words were cold and fast. But then, in a few second, I heard him laughing hard, and saw him pointing at me.

“If you saw the face you made, Saihara-chan! Falling for such a lie! You were right, you really are bad at guessing!”

Oh yeah, a lie, what was I expecting ? Each time I think he's honest with me, he's able to confuse me easily, and at the end, I don't know if he's telling me the truth or not. But then, why am I still feeling so happy to have heard those words from him.. from Kokichi ?

“You always make fun of me Ouma-kun, why are you doing this ?” I said still blushing, but in embarrassment this time.

“Because I like you, my beloved!” He said cheerily.

“Ah.. again a lie ?” I whispered, not convinced by his words.

“Mh..?” Looking like he didn't heard me.

“It's nothing.” I smiled lightly to him and then turned my head up to watch again at the stars.

He didn't say something back to me, and just layed down again to watch better the sky. We stayed like this for a moment before coming again to our dorms.

I wish this night lasted forever.

 

• • •

 

The next morning, we met at the dining hall as usual. But we all noticed someone were missing. Someone very noisy and you can't miss once he put a step somewhere, someone that was here every morning. So the questions went why is Kokichi absent ? Where did he go ? Is he sleeping ? Did something.. happen ? I heard the others wondered too, they obviously noticed, Kaito even said we could eat in peace for once. I couldn't disagree, this was peaceful. Way too much.

I decided to wait, and I convinced myself that he probably have been tired from last night and didn't wake up this morning.

As soon as I finished my meal, I had some small talk with everyone here before going to my room first. I was on my way and walked to the dorms. I stopped and watched at Kokichi's door, was he feeling well ? Maybe I should knock at his door, just in case. Just to check if he's okay. He probably is but I just want to make sure of it.

While I recited those words, I didn't even realized that I was already in front of his door. I knocked a bit, waited but nobody responded. I tried again while calling for him “Ouma-kun, are you there ?”. There were no sounds anywhere, maybe he left. I just sighed and walked a step away from the door. At this moment, I heard a sound, and the door has unlocked slowly. I could see Kokichi's awful face that turned to a fake smile once he saw me, his left hand covered with blood and some tissues in it. I assume that's why he was absent.

“Ah Saihara-chan! ~ Sorry for being so long, I cleaned the blood that was flowing from my hand!” 

_That was definitely not something normal to hear._

“Ouma-kun, what happened ?! There's blood all over your hand !”

“Aahh nothing important ! I just made a bad move and my injury reopened !” Smiling at me as usual.

_Idiot._

His face changed once I got closer to take his hand slowly and check on it carefully, the bandage was not tight anymore, and totally useless now that the blood was all over it. I told him to come at my dorm so I could take care of it easily. He followed my steps without saying anything, I looked at him wondering how he could always be so reckless. But wait, was Kokichi blushing ? Well it was the least of my worries, so I didn't pay much attention on it and we went at my place quickly.

I said to Kokichi to sit down on the bed while I was searching for the bandages in my bathroom. I found it almost immediately and came back to Kokichi. I sat down newt to him and took his hand carefully, inspecting every details of the injury.

“You really like touching my hand Saihara-chan, isn't it becoming a habit ? ~” Teased Kokichi.

“I just want you to be careful with your body Ouma-kun.”

After cleaning all the blood, I wrapped the new bandage around Kokichi's hand as best I can, so the blood would stop flowing. Hopefully, we didn't stain the bed where we were sitting. His palm is really soft and smaller than mine, I was thinking that it really looked like the hand of a child, and how badly he tried to treat his wound accentuated my thought.

“Saihara-chan ?”

I heard Kokichi's voice wondering why I paused like this, suddenly coming out of my thoughts. I didn't realized I was staring at his hand. I let it go and came to my senses again.

“I-It's all good. Please go slowly now.”

“Are you worried about me ? I didn't think someone in Earth would !”

“I-isn't it obvious ? You're my friend aswell.”

“Your _friend_ ?” Kokichi was staring at me with empty eyes.

_Did I say.. something bad ?_

“Ahah! I wouldn't have imagined you pronounce those words to a Supreme Leader like me! We would be enemies normally, you know this, right ?”

“I can't deny that our talents may lead us to become enemies, outside. But here, I know we're not.” I said it smiling at him, trying to convince him we can be friend, and he doesn't need be worried about it.

I heard him gasping. Is he surprised ? Did he really think what he said ? It's true that I'm a detective and he is like a dictator, but then, if he assumed we would be enemies, why did he ask me to join his organization during one of our free times ? Of course a detective wouldn't join an evil organization… normally.

“Oh I almost forgot, but you didn't ate this morning, don't you?” I woke up from the bed and started to walk. “Let's go together to the dining hall Oum…”

“WAIT!”

I didn't even have the time to end my sentence that I heard Kokichi screaming. A hand pulled my arm back with an unsuspected strength, I finally realized that I was falling over him. He held firmly my right arm, and with his other hand, hold mine close to the bed, I couldn't move, especially because I was really shocked at the situation. His back was lengthened on my bed, and I was above him, trying not to fall completely on his small body, with my left knees as support between his legs, and the other still on the ground, shaking a bit.

“Don't go.”

His voice changed to something very loud and his forehead got darker, I felt his hand tighten on my arm but it didn't hurt.

“Are you not feeling well ?!” I asked.

“If I'm feeling well..?”

The hand that held me strongly a minute ago, slowly delivered my arm and went gently to my cheek. The folds of the bandages touched my skin, and a second later, a drop of blood felt on Kokichi's cheek. I felt the bandage getting wet again, and Kokichi's blood getting on my skin. I put my hand all over his as a reflex when I noticed it was flowing again.

“Y-You're bleeding!” I tried to move my head to check on it better. “It reopened, we have to do somethin'..”

“I don't care !” He raised his voice and made my head move in front of his face with his injured hand, surprising me a bit,

“It's.. not important.”

“Ouma-kun… what's happening to you ? Those times, you're acting really weird.”

I didn't expect Kokichi to reply me, he got strange suddenly and I didn't even know if I was able to understand why he changed like this. Why those times, he seemed different than usual. But he replied, speaking little loudly.

“It's your fault Saihara-chan.”

“Uh ? W-Why ?!”

“Why do you care ? Why are you acting nice ? You think I'm like everybody else and I'll fall for your stupid acting game ? I am a liar, it amused me when I tried to kill you, but now, you have no reasons to care like this, so you're obviously lying to me! How dare you give me false hopes ?! How can you be sure I am not lying back to you ? Maybe I think you're the worst piece of sh*t here! How'd you know ?!”

“I know you're lying when you're telling me this, because.. you wouldn't cry if that was the case..”

Tears were falling over his eyes, he gasped as he didn't realize tears went out while he was talking. His injured hand still on my cheek, he brought the other to his face, trying to hide his wet eyes from me.

His mask felt and broke into pieces. I had his true feelings in front of me. He showed it to me, after all these days. I finally saw an honest side of Kokichi, what I was desperately looking for.

“Why would… Saihara-chan care of a liar ?” He just whispered those words, tried to control his voice but I could hear it shaking a bit.

I wide opened my eyes, why would I care.. _of a liar ?_ But, Kokichi isn't like the others liars! Kokichi is different! Even if he claims not to, he care of the others. He's acting dumb and hide how smart he is, and that's what makes him special. I would laugh less if he wasn't there, to mess around.. that would miss me.. way too much.. Kokichi would miss me too much if he wasn't there with me..

 _That's it._ _I found out the truth_.

Without thinking, my hand went behind the back of his head, slipping thought his soft dark purple hair. I leaned down towards him, tipping down my whole body to feel his. I softly brought his head closer with my hand, seeing even better his chocked face, as I caught his lips with mine. Kokichi's lips were against mine. I knew I wouldn't forget the face he made, how surprised he looked. But the more chocked were me, because I surprised myself thinking “finally” as I kissed him.

I closed my eyes and slowly moved. I heard Kokichi moaning out, and all of a sudden, he started to move his lips back. I felt his hot breath against my skin, and how intense his movements became, I couldn't even breathe. I pulled off for a second, when I heard him whispering loudly and smirking.

“Did you really expect to dominate a Supreme Leader like me ?”

He came back, taking advantage of the confusion to furtively slip his tongue inside my mouth. I tried to follow how he moved, but he tried to go further, again and again, his tongue pressing mine even more, making me crazy, my heart beating faster each and every seconds, he stole my heart for real. Yeah he stole my heart, my thoughts, my time, my first kiss, Kokichi stole everything.

Kokichi finally pulled back, our exhausted breaths intertwining, I was red and perspiring, and he choose this moment to look right into my eyes, like a weapon that pieces you to sink into your soul. I was embarrassed, but I noticed he wasn't crying anymore, that I was able to change his mood, and I couldn't help but feeling relieved about it.

“You guessed well, you really are a great detective, Shuichi!”

He smiled innocently at me, and I did the same. We've just shared a kiss, and Kokichi looked finally happy now. Did we share the same feelings all this time ? Did I solved Kokichi's case ? I hoped not. Because I want to learn more about him, again. Kokichi is my world and can't get rid of it. Kokichi is the best thing I've ever had in my life. Kokichi is amazing… Kokichi is… Kokichi…

 

• • •

 

_Kokichi._

I opened my eyes hardly, I didn't understand where I was at first, but everything around was blurred. At that moment, I get what happened, and I knew I was about to cry.

“A… dream ?”

I was in my room, lying on the bed, confused at first, I understood everything was fake. My dream was false, as much as a lie. That was probably a lie even bigger than Kokichi himself.

Kokichi ? I dreamed about him… I wished I couldn't remember my dreams, but here it was. I straightened up from my bed and rubbed my head in pain, the beginning of a headache coming, feeling like I really am silly. What did I hope for ? What was I looking for ? Kokichi is dead. And he'll never come back again. I'll never be able to apologize for the words I said, to tell him I understood why he acted the way he did. That he actually.. cared for everyone as much as I did.. but I never noticed.. until it was too late. Until the end, I only am a detective, understanding what's goin' on once the worse already happened, and I can't do anything about it.

Warm tears flowed over my cheeks, I tried to wipe them with my sleeve but that wasn't enough, they couldn't stop. I was struggling to keep my emotions under control, but I broke, bringing my knees to my head, I let everything out. I needed it, so desperately.

I wish we didn't have to kill each other, I wish we could hang out, learn our hobbies, making jokes, or even having some arguments sometimes, at least to prove we're all alive. And I wanted to hear Kokichi telling me that I did the right thing, that I was a great detective when I didn't even believe it myself and that I was able to solved the case he is.. on time.

He would probably laugh at me for being so foolinsh right now, for crying like this. After all, this is too late to complain. All I can do is move forward because, I will never be able to hear those words from him.

Because I lied to myself, I will never be able to tell Kokichi Ouma that I loved him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, did you like this One Shot? I really liked writing it! I tried to write well Shuichi and to show his doubts, but I am aware that Kokichi may react differently in reality. But I really wanted to do this kind of scene, because it's the thing that "my" Shuichi wanted deeply inside him c; And it was a dream of his, so it doesn't have to suits the true Kokichi on all points.  
> It was a good training for some futures stories I plan to write! You can tell me if there's any english mistakes, or if it sounds okay, I really am looking for constructive criticism to improve! (Oh and I didn't wrote much things in the summary to keep as much mystery as possible! Hope it was okay aswell.) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and I can't wait to write again on AO3 <3 Thanks for reading! ouo


End file.
